woensdag, december 07, 2005

So...

So Hiwina was wearing a pink shirt today (en de voorbije 2 dagen), wat dat ook moge betekenen. Maar roze... is dat niet een beetje queer?
En vorige week botste ik bijna op hem in de herentoiletten, of all places.

Aan de ene kant is heel dat gedoe wel leuk: hem aankijken wanneer hij ook maar voorbijkomt enzo. Ik merk trouwens dat het andersom ook zo is. Oh well, het is iets waar ik me in mijn hoofd mee bezig kan houden als ik bij hem in de buurt breinloos een hoop mapjes aan het klasseren ben omdat er bijna geen werk meer is zo tegen het einde van het jaar.

Aan de andere kant doet het me zo hard denken aan enkele jaren geleden. Ik herinner me dat ik het toen al eens ergens kwijt moest en er een verhaal over schreef. In't Engels, want oh jee als een Nederlandstalige het zou lezen en daarmee te weten kwam dat ik voor het mansvolk was!

Voor de geïnteresseerden heb ik het bewuste verhaaltje even opgezocht:
[een hoop blabla van wie ben ik enzo heb ik even weggelaten, want jullie weten al wie ik ben]
Anyway, it wasn't until the last week before
Christmas holiday that I noticed this great
looking guy who was in his first year. But he was
as old as me though. It was on a Wednesday when
my teacher was gone the first hour so we went to
the computer room, were his class had computer
lessons. We went to make some computer exercises.
I suddenly noticed him staring at me. I looked at
him too, but couldn't help avoiding his stare
(what if anyone would see it?). In the short
glance I had, I noticed he was one good looking
guy. Blue eyes, short brown hair and he seemed a
bit muscular too. Back home I took the schoolbook
with pictures of every student in it. There he
was, Stephen. His address, birth date and phone
number were in it too. But like I said, Christmas
holiday was getting near and I couldn't see him for
three weeks, so I had to comfort myself with his
picture in the schoolbook. After the holiday we had
exams and I didn't see him then either.
After the exams I finally saw him again. I was
sitting in the hall. I had class next to his
classroom. When I looked inside, I saw him
taking stuff out of his bag. But he didn't watch
the bag, he looked straight into my eyes!
Again I startled and I looked into a different direction.
When I looked back, this time he got a bit
embarassed and turned around. He had his hair
painted during the holiday, because now he had
blond spikes in his brown hair, which even made
him more attractive.
This went on and on for weeks. Passing each other
in the hallway, gazing in each others' eyes, but
not having the courage to even say 'Hi' nor to
smile at each other. In the school cafeteria I
was sitting next to a table of girls of his
class. Suddenly he came over to me. My heart
skipped a few beats. Of course he went to those
girls to ask them something. All the time he was
talking to them he was standing right next to me.
I hardly dared to look at him, because I was
sitting at the table with my own classmates. He
seemed a bit uncomfortable too. I was wondering
whether he was gay and maybe he was wondering the
same about me.
Once I even didnt know what to do. I left school
one evening and walked to my busstop. Suddely I
heard his voice behind me:"Wait up!". I froze...
didn't know what to do, but kept on walking, though
a bit slower. It was him indeed. He watched when he
passed me and it wasn't until he had gone past that I
noticed he actually shouted to his friends, who were
walking 20 meters in front of me.
The best experience, though, was still to come.
At our school, like in any school probably, there
are lots of stairs. But our stairs continue on to
the third floor and then you have to go round a
corner. One day I just got around that corner to
go down and accidently bumped into someone who
just got up. It was Stephen! Again we just looked
at each other. We didn't even say 'Sorry' or
anything! All the time crazy things went through
my mind, like writing him an anonymous love letter
or something. But I suppressed the ideas each
time.
Then one day I saw him coming into the school
building, walking towards his class. They talked
for a while until the teacher came. Everyone
entered the classroom, except for him. He turned
around and went out again. On his way he saw some
other people he knew and I heard him telling them
he was going to work. He had given up school and
found a job. I never ever saw him since that day,
when I litterally saw his nice behind walking out
the building. I was frustrated the rest of the
day. People asked me what was wrong several
times, but of course I always had some lame
excuse that I just didn't feel good.
The only thing I have left of him is his picture
in the schoolbook, together with his address,
birthdate and phone number. I don't know if I'll
ever have the courage to write or call him. I
don't even know for sure whether he is gay or
not.

3 Comments:

Blogger Angel said...

Toen ik nog vrouwloos was, had ik ook zo vaak van die dingen. Meestal bleek de dame in kwestie dan gewoon "straight" te zijn, hoewel ik het van sommige nooit te weten ben gekomen. En natuurlijk heb ik niet 1 keer gedurfd het onderwerp aan te snijden met desbetreffende vrouw.
Op zich is dat heimelijk verlangen ook wel leuk, hoewel het mij af en toe wel flink van mijn (school)werk afleidde!
Op zich heb je natuurlijk niet zo heel veel te verliezen, naar die jongen gaan en vragen "Zeg, dit lijkt misschien een vreemde vraag, maar ben je misschien geinteresserd in mannen? Ik vraag dit omdat ik dat wel ben en graag een keer met je uit zou gaan"

Of zoiets.

Maar ik kan me heel goed voorstellen dat je het niet durft. Ik zou het ook niet durven...

5:25 p.m.  
Blogger Damon said...

"Zeg, dit lijkt misschien een vreemde vraag, maar ben je misschien geinteresserd in mannen? Ik vraag dit omdat ik dat wel ben en graag een keer met je uit zou gaan"

Van het lezen alleen al krijg ik zenuwen en draait mijn maag in een knoop. :|

5:49 p.m.  
Anonymous E. said...

Wat is het ergste wat je kan gebeuren als je wel ooit het lef zou hebben dat te vragen?

4:35 a.m.  

Een reactie posten

<< Home